Now I kind of wish I had my promo cards!

Oh well..

Also, I was taking care of our 2 1/2 year old and 7 month old kids so my wife could recover from 4 months of taking care of them alone because I was so busy doing design challenges for a job contest that I would go onto not win.

Also, my wife was really tired because she had double pneumonia.

And I was building the jungle gym in our back yard that I'd been putting off doing since October because I was too busy…you guessed it…doing design challenges.

Finally, even if none of that had happened, we still wouldn't have gone because we have two kids under age three and all of our disposable income goes towards frivolities like diapers and formula, and all of our free time fighting entropy (our daughter) and chaos (our son).

(I'm really not that bitter about everything, but might as well play it up for yuks and packs)

Scott

With his pants full of cards and his twisted face grinning
He turned to leave the shop. We knew he was winning.

But what happened next turned his grin to a frown.
Anyone could see something big was about to go down.

At the doors stood the man; The Duke: Zombie John Wayne!
Do I really need to rhyme this? It was Zombie John freakin’ Wayne!

He spoke “Drop the cards, Sheen. You shall not pass.
I’ve returned from the dead to kick your whiny ass!”

And kick it he did. It was such a sight to see.
John rearranged Charlies’ neck where his spleen used to be.

Zombie Wayne threw a left hook that showed no pity.
It sent out shockwaves of energy that leveled our city.

Jimi, Doctor Jeebus and I climbed from the wreckage that fell.
We came out card-less, but with a heck of a story to tell.

And I swore I heard Zombie Wayne exclaim as he rode out of sight,
“You’d better win this contest, Pilgrim, or I’ll kick your butt tomorrow night!”

Charlie’s hair was all greasy and he had bourbon breath.
He smelled of cigarettes and tiger blood with a hint of crystal meth.

He strode confidently to the front of the line
And announced, “Good evening nerds: These new cards are mine.”

Jimi asked what we were thinking. “Can we buy these cards from YOU?”

“No way lady,” was the reply, “I’m the god of Malibu.
And gods don’t need money, you wormy little toad.
I make one hundred thirty billion dollars an episode.”

Then he laughed an evil laugh that was booming and tidal.
It made me sick. (Like when I watch American Idol.)

He took all the cards and shoved them in his pants
And with his thumb to his nose did a stupid little dance.

Jimi screamed, “You mean old man. You aren’t worth a hill of beans.”

He replied, “Well, I’m a Vatican assassin warlock.” (Whatever the heck that means.)

I turned to Jimi and whispered he could get bent.
We would just try to win these cards later on Eratis’ Lament.

OK, True story.

‘Twas the night before pre-release and all through the comic shop
Greedy Magic fans awaited eagerly the newly harvested card crop.

With Doctor Jeebus at my side and Jimi at my back
We passed the time away with boring games of Hacky Sack

“How much longer until midnight?” Doctor Jeebus asked with a grunt.
The line stretched to Wal-mart, but we were in the front.

When out on the street there arose a great buzz.
I sprang out of line to see what it was.

I looked past the crowd of weary on-lookers
And saw Charlie Sheen accompanied by 8 drugged up hookers.

One girl looked dead, another wore no top
And he called them by name as he walked into the shop.

“Hey Cindy and Mindy and Lindsey and Diane
And you… I don’t know your name, but you have large cans.
I have an idea how to make this evening fun:
Watch me go into this store and be a jerk to everyone.”

My fiancée knows how much MTG means to me and felt really sorry after I told her that I was missing the pre-release so that we could spend time wih my cousin. Winning this contest would mean more for her than it would for me, since she likes to see me happy and be able to enjoy the one main hobby I have now that we have real world jobs and real world responsibilities.

Also, when I came back and tried to buy the Phyrexian deck box from my local store, they were sold out and said that their distributor was sold out, too! It would be a nice plus for me to get that deck box. Just sayin’

I have two kids. My Son's second birthday was the night of the tournament. That by itself wasn't a good reason to miss since he usually hits the sack about 6:30.

The plan was to celebrate the good second year as a family and then slip out the door and speed like a bat-out-of-hell to arrive on time.

The day didn't go so well. Grant had been whiny and suffering all day. He was obviously sick. He really didn't eat much throughout the day, but we coaxed him into a slice of his birthday cake. Yum!

20 minutes later we all got to enjoy the cake again as we were cleaning it off of everything. And colored icing stains even the most "stain-proof" carpets! Especially after it has been partially digested 🙁

But my friend did pretty well and forked over a few of his dupe commons.

-Hireling

I started playing Magic again last year after 10 years of never touching my cards. Then, I finally decided it was time to sell them all since they weren't seeing play, so I started surfing around the internet to find the best ways to profit off of my cards. I stumbled across Quiet Speculation and realized I had found exactly what I needed to maximize my profits. I took the bait, swallowed the hook, and before long I had read every article on the site. Long story short, I'm now 100% back into playing and collecting again, but this time through I'm not throwing money down the toilet. Instead, I'm profiting. Or rather, finally digging myself out of a financial pit I got in 10 years ago.

Then the site went "Insider." I moaned and complained about it for a bit, then stopped reading because the info wasn't free anymore and I worried about the site losing focus. But now I was back into Magic and needed a fix, so I delved into the net again, looking elsewhere for answers. About this time, I started attending tournaments specifically to trade up and increase my binder value. You know what? I got rolled EVERY TIME!! It's so discouraging to get home feeling pumped about a trade, only to realize that you just flushed good cards down the toilet in exchange for crap.

By the time the pre-release came around, I realized the dilemma I had placed myself in. I ready to start speculating on the new set but had no idea what to look for other than my own instincts. I humbly apologized to the Gods of Booster Randomizing and I sat down to open my packs for the sealed tournament. Guess they heard me, I pulled: Venser, Consecrated Sphinx, Green Sun's Zenith, Go for the Throat, and a regular Glissa to go with my foil promo. Looking at my haul, I knew it was time to pay the piper.

I won two promo faction pack in the tournament, then took them and my sealed-deck pulls and I sold it all as singles that same day. Made enough to cover my entrance fee and cover some losses from being a horrible trader… and best of all, there at the end was exactly 9 dollars left over. I used it to sign up for Insider and by now have already made enough to fund my next month's subscription fee, too.

So I'm back, and now a paying customer. I was wrong, you were right. You are smart, I'm a dumb-ass. Your staff is good-looking, I'm a Phyrexian Stepchild. Apologies for ever doubting, please accept me back into your graces. And… if you wouldn't mind… please ship me that rockin prize package while you're at it!

I learned my lesson but now I'm out all that great stuff! Especially the faction packs which, because I was an idiot, I cracked and sold for much less than their sealed product value.

Not quite as compelling as some of the soul-jerking responses I'm reading, but hope you enjoyed my story and thanks for the great content. 🙂